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The Roper Quotes

Mr. Roper: I want my rent!
Mrs. Roper: Stanley, where are your manners? When you enter a room, you're supposed to say hello.
Mr. Roper:Hello, I want my rent!

Mr. Roper: Not tonight Helen, I have a headache

Mrs.Roper:Stanley, you either put your pants on and go out tonight or leave them off and we'll have our little fun here tonight

Mr.Roper: You know Helen, you've been up for a half an hour and your mouth is running an eight-hour shift

Mr. Roper:What's that smell?
Mrs Roper:It's my new perfume. It's called 'Now or Never'
Mr. RoperWell, you got that half right!

Mr.Roper:What's plutonic?"
Mrs.Roper: Me and you, Stanley!

Mr. Roper:I don't like it when I expect something on time and I never get it.
Mrs. Roper:I know what you mean

Mrs Roper:Not Tonight! That sounds like a good title for my autobiography

Mr. Roper: Hello Jack. Are you having a tupperware party with the girls

Mr Roper: Jack, you can fix the roof.
Jack: I don't know, I'm afarid of heights.
Mr. Roper: Knowing you, you can just fly up there.

Mr.Roper:I'll take care of you later!
Mrs. Roper:Promises, promises!

Mr Roper: No parties in this building!
Mrs. Roper: Is that your final word?
Mr. Roper: Yes!
Mrs. Roper: Good, then we won't be hearing any more out of you

Mr. Roper: Oh don't worry Jack...I told Karen all about you....
Jack: What did you tell her?
Mr. Roper: Nothing...just a little fairy story....

Mr. Roper: [talking about Jack kissing his niece] You saw what he was doing!!! He was acting normal!!

Stanley:What are you doing?
Jack:I'm loosening up my wrist.
Stanley:I didn't know you guys had to practice

Mr. Roper: The car was overheated!
Mrs. Roper: So was I!

Helen:Chrissy, you cant give an IOU to the UPS for a COD. They all the FBI!

Stanley:I want to watch name that tune
Helen:That his favorite program. It has been ever since he guessed that star spangle banner in 7 notes

Mr.Roper: I just thought I saw something that wasnt normal, because it was normal, but, now I can see it aint normal, so, everything's back to normal again.

Chrissy Quotes
Chrissy:well, this is just typcial getting a woman pregnant. Only a man would do a thing like that

Chrissy:Eat your salad before it gets cold

Chrissy: When I was your age, I was 13 too

Chrissy:I love surprises, you never know what's going to happen

Chrissy:This breakfast is good enough to eat
Jack: Thank you

Chrissy's Date: How did you interduce the salad to the dressing?
Chrissy: I just said Salad meets the dressing and dressing meets the salad

Janet(talking about buying Roper's car): Chrissy, it's the answer to ourprayers.
Chrissy:That's not true. Nobody prayed.
Janet:Okay, then let's start. Please, God, make Chrissy change her mind.
Jack: Or better yet give her one!

Chrissy:there was nothing wrong with the punch
Janet:Then why did the ladle turn green?

Chrissy:I've a very light beard

Chrissy (when Jack asks Janet to call heads or tails from a coin toss): Why does she get to pick?
Jack: Chrissy, it doesn't matter.
Chrissy: Yes it does, she gets two choices and I don't get any.
Jack: All these years it always seemed so fair...

Jack: What do you want me to do?
Chrissy: Just do what I do.
Jack: What are you going to be doing?
Chrissy: The same thing you'll be doing only I'll be doing it first

Jack: Chrissy, you seem so nervous, you're acting like that's your pie out there.
Chrissy: So are you!

Chrissy: Jack is really a very nice person. He just hasn't been around children very long.
Jack: I live with you don't I!!!!

Chrissy: You know what I was thinking last night doctor? I was lying here and I was thinking how practical God was when he made us.
Doctor:How do you mean?
Chrissy:Well..take our ears for instance. Not only are they good to hear from, they're in the perfect place for holding up our glasses.
And he gave us not 9, not 11, but 10 fingers! Which is the perfect ammount for counting on! And isnt it wonderful how he put our arms on top of our hands?
Doctor:Im sorry, what?
Chrissy:Well if it weren't for our arms, our hands would hang from our shoulders like this. We wouldnt be able to scratch our backs!

Chrissy:You know, I wish this werent a hospital. Id just love to shoot off some fire crackers, really go out with a bang!

Chrissy:I was named after Christmas even though I wasnt born on christmas day, cuz my dad says I was the best present he ever got!

Chrissy:My mother says its a good thing I wasnt born in June because then Id be named after father's day, and when my dad introduced me hed say meet my daughter father!

Jack:Is something burning?
Janet:I left my underwear in the oven!
Chrissy:Its too bad hotpants are out of style

Jack:Hi honeys, Im home!
Janet:Hey, why dont u knock first!
Chrissy:Cuz we might not have been decent.
Jack:Its ok, I looked first to make sure.
Chrissy:Oh I guess thats ok then..

Janet: Boy you really lapped up that toast
Chrissy: Its not my fault, Eleanor didnt leave the recipe

Chrissy: Boy the next time i listen to one of your dumb ideas i hope i'm not around to hear it

Jack:You know what your trouble is Chrissy? Your a compulsive eater
Chrissy:I am not. I'm just always hungry

Chrissy: If you dont know Jack, nobody knows but i know you know and you should know

Jack:Chrissy, did you forget to lock the door? Chrissy:Why is it always Chrissy did you forget to lock the door? Why isnt it Jack did you forget to lock the door? Or Janet, did you forget to lock the door.nooo its always CHRISSY CHRISSY CHRISSY! Jack: DID U FORGET TO LOCK THE DOOR? Chrissy: yess

Good old Classic Quotes
Jack: Let's have a toast.
Jack: To happy days.
Janet: To good times.
Chrissy: To Little House On the Prarie

Jack: I'm surprised at you. Where would all the great women of history be if they thought like that!? Look at Joan of Ark and wht she accomplished. And, and Florence Nightengale and Madam Curry.
Chrissy: And Lucretia Borzok.
Janet: She posioned people.
Chrissy: Yeah, but she was very good at it.

Jack: do u have any shaving cream?
Chrissy: No
Jack: Its going to be painful
Chrissy:Wait! try this
Jack: Oh, yea what is it?
Chrissy:we use it to clean the sink

Jack: "OK, Chrissy, I'll get in the tub with you and then we can get it on."
Chrissy: "Give that to me and I'll show you what to do."
Jack: "This isn't exactly the first time I've ever done this."
Chrissy: "Maybe so, but girls are better than boys."
Jack: "Come on Chrissy. A little less talk and a little more action. OK?"
Chrissy: "OK, you do your part and I'll do mine.....(They examine the curtains) I don't think it'll reach."
Jack: "Of course not! You've gotta unfold it first!"

Jack: You just ruined that girl!
Mr. Furley: I never touched her

Jack: The weather is so unpredictable.
Chrissy: Yea, nice one day, nice the next

Jack: You can't get on and I can't get off.
Mr. Furley: Ain't that the truth.

Police Officer (asking for a urine test): Can you fill this?
Jack: Not from here

Larry: It's not often that a single guy like me gets a home cooked meal.
Janet: Why don't you get married?
Larry: I've never been that hungry.

Mr. Furley: When we were in the freezer, Jack told me he likes girls!!!!! [Janet and Terri are shocked] You know what that means right? Jack was delirious in there!!

Chrissy:What's she got that you haven't?
Janet: spreads her fingers in front of her chest.
Jack:Stop exaggerating, Janet, You'r making mountains out of molehills.

Janet: Chrissy, can I ask u a question? Do you....dig Jack?
Chrissy: Well...do you?
Janet: I asked you first!!! Would you ever...you know..
Chrissy: With Jack?
Janet: Yup
Chrissy: No
Janet: Really?
Chrissy: Well not unless he asked me too! I don't like to be rude!

Jack: [talking about a restaurant]Janet, do you remember what I told you I really wanted when I first moved in, more than anything?
Janet: Yes!!! And the answer is still no!

Cindy: [answering to Jack's proposal] Yes. Yes Jack I will marry you!
Jack: No no no! See now you don't HAVE to marry me.
Cindy: Oh Jack I promise to be a good wife! I'll give you lots of love and care and....
Jack: No no but you see you're not pregnant!
Cindy: Well I'll give you that too!!!
Jack: No, your not already pregnant
Cindy:Talk bout Lazy!

Jack: Laurie, sit down. Let me have a little talk with you. You see, there are all different kinds of love. You love your mommy, you love your friends, you love your dog.
Laurie: I don't have a dog. I have a cat.
Jack: Ok then you love your cat.
Laurie: i HATE my cat.

Cindy: Who you callin' a giraffe!?
Janet: If the legs fit, wear them!

Janet:Did you hear something?
Chrissy: Yeah
Janet:What was it?
Chrissy: I hear you say chrissy

Janet: Oh Jack! Get your mind out of the gutter!

Janet: Jack! the FBI was looking for you

Janet: your probley gonna die in bed and if you do 10-1 you wont be alone

Jack: Some stupid cupid, you shot the wrong arrow


Terri: DROP'EM!

Terri: It turned green
Janet: Its pea soup!
Terri:Then its fine

Terri:Him a doctor? (laughs) and a very good one

Janet:What was that?
Terri: I was just being Friendly
Janet:Friendly? you Sounded Naked!

Jack:There's nothing going on in this apartment.Right?
Terri:Whatever you say Sexi

Jack:I think someone should make a speech
Mr.Furley:Here:Open the damn door

Mr.Furley:I'm getting goosebumps
Janet:Awwww, your excited for Jack too?
Mr.Furley:No, there's a draft going up my leg

Terri:Poor Bob
Janet:What a place to hit him
Terri:Poor, poor bob

Larry:How do I look?
Janet:You look like Zorro
Terri:At least he wore a mask

Mr.Furley: I'm here to cut the...Roast Beef
Cop:The Roast beef?
Janet:Yes,this is our landlord Mr.Furley, he cuts all the Roast Beef in the building
Cop:With a Blow Torch?
Janet:Yes with a blow torch
Mr.Furley:Well, i gonna run... theres a Rump Roast in 309